Survival Mode

Survival can be an ugly thing. Whether it's surviving pain, emotional struggles, consistently rough times, or even the business of life. It's hard to flourish when you're in survival mode. Survival mode is when you don't have a long-term or even medium-term plan. You are quite literally surviving. Getting through the next 24 hours. Just a week can feel extremely long.

It feels like all you can really do right now is just tread water. Keep your head above water. Keep breathing. Keep yourself from breaking down. 

The very definition of "survive" describes a few times in my life including right now. "To continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship."

Sometimes it's hard realize that you are in survival mode. At least, there are signs. Here are a few.

• feeling the need to get everything done as soon as possible
• you are emotionally raw
• STRESS. You don't sleep well, breathing is weird, and you can't think straight
• joy seems to have disappeared. Your goal is just not to have a terrible day
• you aren't a step ahead. Everything you do is a reaction 
• you feel alone
• it doesn't feel like you're catching up with that to-do list
• you aren't eating or drinking

Living day to day is hard. Trust me, I know. There was a period of time in my life when I was living one day at a time, not sure at all what was going to happen the next day. If I'm honest, there are days when I'm in full blown survival mode. I don't know what will happen. I don't really have a projected timeline of the next few weeks. I've had to learn how to be flexible with any situation. I have a bag ready to go to the hospital in case of an emergency. As you might know, I've decided to volunteer an internal organ to be donated in the (hopefully) near future. I'm pretty much always ready for whenever that will be.  My family has been hit with wave after wave of hardship since 2016. That's four (might I say LONG) years. I've been in and out of survival mode the entire time. 

There are questions you should ask yourself once you do realize you're in survival mode.

• Was this a sudden drop or a slow descent?
• What caused you to go into survival mode?
• Was there a big event that caused a ton of stress?
• Are you giving yourself time to heal?

It's ok when surviving the next 24 hours is your plan, but it's not a long-term fix. Survival mode isn't meant for long-term. When you get hit, you're patching the wound. Just patching. Not mending. Not healing. After you get physically hurt, you are usually told to rest. Why should it be any different from your emotional or mental hurt?

Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Maybe you're is survival mode because you have a million things to take care of. Maybe you're busy taking care of people you love. You're thinkin, "I can't take time to myself. I have to take care of my family." I understand that, but you can't keep that up for long. Here's something my mother said. "You need to be fed so that you have something to give. You cannot pour from an empty cup." So tell me, how can you keep pouring yourself out for others when you haven't got anything left in you?

Survival mode will make you compare. Compare yourself to another person. You'll either begin to be critical of yourself, or be critical of the other person. Both are poison to your soul. 

Survival mode will make you focus on yourself. Not in a good way, but a toxic way. Instead of focusing on self-improvement (needed), you'll go down the rabbit hole and become self-absorbed. 

Survival mode will blind you in seeing the good. You'll see all your bruises and faults but will be blind to how far you've come and how much you've grown. You'll only see what is going wrong.

Thank God that there's a way out of this mode. I can't say it's easy because it's different for everyone. It's definitely been hard for me. The biggest thing you need to do is give up this situation to God and pray. Here are a few more ways to help (that helped me).

• read
• listen to an encouraging playlist
• TALK TO SOMEONE
• take a pause
• have a cry (it's healthy)
• do something you enjoy!
• eat a good meal
• drink something

It is so important to have the right attitude about what's happening your life. You could choose to be bitter and just stay in survival mode. Seems like a safe option right now, but it has quite the impact on your mental, emotional, and (yes, even) physical health. I might do a self care post sometime soon, but it would most likely come after a couple other priority posts. It's hard to be thankful for what's happening, so be thankful for little things. The fact that you have running water. Your favorite sweater. Color. Fresh air. There is an endless list of things to express gratitude for. 

Everything you're going through is what God is using to help you grow into the person He wants you to be. Let him use this to teach you what he needs to. Let him shine through your actions in this. This pain will pass. He is going to use this for your good. It might seem impossible to think that there could ever be good out of this. We just don't see the big picture. I could illustrate this "big picture" thing in so many different ways, but I think one of the people who gave the best explanation was Corrie ten Boom. She words it so perfectly in her poem "Life Is But A Weaving."

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

I really hope you didn't find this post to be too much of a downer, but more of a reason to hope. Things are gonna get better. You'll find that the hike up this monster of a mountain is worth the view at the end. You are going to find that you've grown in so many ways.

I am hoping to write a more encouraging post soon. One with words I have found encouraging in my own times in survival mode.

Normally I'd list a bunch of questions at the end of a post. I'm not going to do that today. I'm only going to ask one question. You don't even have to comment your answer. Here it is. Are you choosing to in bitterness about your situation or choosing to have joy In the journey God has placed you on?

Until next time,
Katherine Simeon